Single and Happy; I think

 I was reading an article earlier today and it got me to thinking am I HAPPY?  Here is part of that article : 

Studies show that women are much better at being single than men.

I've been in love twice in my life. I've been told I was "the one who got away," that I was someone's soulmate, and more than a few times I've had someone stand outside my apartment throwing rocks at my window. Granted, he wasn't in a trench coat and blaring Peter Gabriel a la Lloyd Dobler, but it's happened, and although he was the wrong person for me, at least I can say I have had a few of those moments. I know what love is, I know what it feels like to have my heart broken (quite often actually), so right now, I'm happy in my single life. I may be alone, but I'm not lonely, and sometimes I think single people might not see the difference between those two words and their meanings.

I chose this part of the article to share because it is me and who I am.  It is who I have become like it or not I AM SINGLE.  At 43 I never expected to be looking for a NYE date 4 days before NYE.  I expected to be married and loving the taken life.  Is that not what we all desire as young adults; to go through life with a partner.  I did; whatever happen is my question?  

Let's explore it together. I got married at 21 because I didn't want my daddy to be upset that I had got pregnant with his only grandchild to date.  Believe it or not it was my first time out the gate.  Funny people say at that age we don't know what we want when it comes to a mate; that's a lie I did and he wasn't it then. We married and as soon as my daddy found out it was over with.  Yes he made us get a annulment two months in; saying he was not worth the woman I was going to become.  Go figure I thought the same thing; he was something to do.

There were several men after him; no there wasn't a lot of sex but there was a lot of dating.  I met my second husband (actually my 1st) and I thought this was it; we pursued each other.  Things were good we talked the talk and walked the walk.  In the 2yrs we were married we traveled, purchased property, went to church/partied together, etc.... Things were gravy and we were happy.  Why in the hell did he wake up one morning and decided he was guy and was gay all along he just didn't want to except it. Really were in the f*** they do this shit at!?!?!?  I wasted 3yrs on this dude.  No there were no signs that ignored or saw for that matter.  

After 2yrs I was ready to get back out there and I did.  Out the gate I meet this cutie pie and we hit it off.  So happens he was from Memphis and do to a short stint there and having family there and in Tunica, MS I know a lil something something about Memphis.  Things were good until he realized I was keeping him from being the "KING of WEED" .  So he pulls a fast one and we separate and yet something keeps us both from totally letting go.  After 3 months we are back at it except in different living quarters.  After 2 months of that we decide to come together to save money and be in one another's face on a regular.  In the middle of us searching for a place he is carted off to jail for parole violation.  During the 18 months he is in Memphis, TN I sit like a good girl and wait.  When he comes back to GA we make it happen.  4 bdrm, 2.5 bathroom, 2 car garage house both working a good job money flowing.  And then reality hits us both 2.5yrs later I realize the d*** is too small and the sex is totally horrible (Do feel like being a teacher)  he is too far behind the times for me and not willing to give up the materialistic ways.  I am not materialistic enough for him and he is afraid of going any further then where we are at this point.  So after 4.5yrs just like that its over.

Fast forward I have been single  4yrs 4 mos now Most people count because its a bad thing or they are pointing out long they are enduring.  I point it out because I never thought it would be this long I was single.  I started dating at 17yrs old and since then I have not been longer then 6mos without the company of a male companion.  I reiterate SEX is not a priority in my life.  So for me to have gone this long is like a Guinness record in my book. And you know what I am happy.