Single in America

Single life is it for you? This is a question being asked by newly single people of all races around the world.  It at one time was a question I was not yet ready to answer but necessary to answer.  I spent the better half of my life in and out of relationships that mounted (In the words of  my Granny) a hill of beans.  There were some good times and as always there were bad times; I will admit the good out weighed the bad.  I traveled all over the world; from Africa to the U.S. Virgin Islands funny in all my travels I still haven't been to New York or Las Vegas.  Nor have I found the one to completely sweep me off my feet.

The single life is not all that bad I must say.  It can be lonely just like being on the top but even that has its rewards.  Experts say there are 100 Good Things to Being Single; I am going to share a few I think to be good.  (Advice from my own expert, ME!)

 I can talk on the telephone as early or as late as I want without getting strange looks or questioned by him.

I don't have to share my dresser or bathroom counter.  More perfume and Mac Makeup for me; YAY!!!!

My dates from hell make for good stories over drinks with good friends

Getting up and going out on my own is priceless.  I don't have to check to see what he wants do, see at the movies or eat.  I am like a "Free Agent"

I can watch Ra Paul's Drag Race and not listen to him complain about the Fagot show Geez men can be so insecure

My grocery and takeout bills are lower.  Takeouts last me until tomorrows lunch/dinner and groceries for a week last two weeks

My new favorite is my fun pics that I post on FB  which brings my friends back to see what I am up too now (Nosy people) lol

No unwanted morning sex just to please him (Sho fly I'm sleepy)

No SNORING that keeps me up all night

These are a few of my favorite single moments.  Now stop reading my moments and get out a discover your own.

Single and Happy; I think

 I was reading an article earlier today and it got me to thinking am I HAPPY?  Here is part of that article : 

Studies show that women are much better at being single than men.

I've been in love twice in my life. I've been told I was "the one who got away," that I was someone's soulmate, and more than a few times I've had someone stand outside my apartment throwing rocks at my window. Granted, he wasn't in a trench coat and blaring Peter Gabriel a la Lloyd Dobler, but it's happened, and although he was the wrong person for me, at least I can say I have had a few of those moments. I know what love is, I know what it feels like to have my heart broken (quite often actually), so right now, I'm happy in my single life. I may be alone, but I'm not lonely, and sometimes I think single people might not see the difference between those two words and their meanings.

I chose this part of the article to share because it is me and who I am.  It is who I have become like it or not I AM SINGLE.  At 43 I never expected to be looking for a NYE date 4 days before NYE.  I expected to be married and loving the taken life.  Is that not what we all desire as young adults; to go through life with a partner.  I did; whatever happen is my question?  

Let's explore it together. I got married at 21 because I didn't want my daddy to be upset that I had got pregnant with his only grandchild to date.  Believe it or not it was my first time out the gate.  Funny people say at that age we don't know what we want when it comes to a mate; that's a lie I did and he wasn't it then. We married and as soon as my daddy found out it was over with.  Yes he made us get a annulment two months in; saying he was not worth the woman I was going to become.  Go figure I thought the same thing; he was something to do.

There were several men after him; no there wasn't a lot of sex but there was a lot of dating.  I met my second husband (actually my 1st) and I thought this was it; we pursued each other.  Things were good we talked the talk and walked the walk.  In the 2yrs we were married we traveled, purchased property, went to church/partied together, etc.... Things were gravy and we were happy.  Why in the hell did he wake up one morning and decided he was guy and was gay all along he just didn't want to except it. Really were in the f*** they do this shit at!?!?!?  I wasted 3yrs on this dude.  No there were no signs that ignored or saw for that matter.  

After 2yrs I was ready to get back out there and I did.  Out the gate I meet this cutie pie and we hit it off.  So happens he was from Memphis and do to a short stint there and having family there and in Tunica, MS I know a lil something something about Memphis.  Things were good until he realized I was keeping him from being the "KING of WEED" .  So he pulls a fast one and we separate and yet something keeps us both from totally letting go.  After 3 months we are back at it except in different living quarters.  After 2 months of that we decide to come together to save money and be in one another's face on a regular.  In the middle of us searching for a place he is carted off to jail for parole violation.  During the 18 months he is in Memphis, TN I sit like a good girl and wait.  When he comes back to GA we make it happen.  4 bdrm, 2.5 bathroom, 2 car garage house both working a good job money flowing.  And then reality hits us both 2.5yrs later I realize the d*** is too small and the sex is totally horrible (Do feel like being a teacher)  he is too far behind the times for me and not willing to give up the materialistic ways.  I am not materialistic enough for him and he is afraid of going any further then where we are at this point.  So after 4.5yrs just like that its over.

Fast forward I have been single  4yrs 4 mos now Most people count because its a bad thing or they are pointing out long they are enduring.  I point it out because I never thought it would be this long I was single.  I started dating at 17yrs old and since then I have not been longer then 6mos without the company of a male companion.  I reiterate SEX is not a priority in my life.  So for me to have gone this long is like a Guinness record in my book. And you know what I am happy.  

"Outstanding"

Let me take you back, back in a time when life was "Outstanding". Back when people kept it real the days where long a fun. And you ran down the street calling for the Ice Cream man to stop. Back when we played bubble gum bubble gum, hop scotch, and catch girl kiss a girl. Let me take back to the time when we had to be in the house or on the the front porch before the street lights came on or your azz was grass. When mothers ran the world and fathers were rolling stones. Back to the time when the teacher said they were going to call your house you begged to stay after school and clean the chalk boards and erasers to make it right. When families had family reunion and Sunday dinners. When your mom and her friends set up all night playing cards (bid, space & tunk)smoked weed and drank Crown/Johnny Walker Red and Colt 45. When daddies came in the house and you got ghost like a mouse when the lights came on. Back when the word Chester was a joke, and you never know your Bud made you laugh so hard cause he was on that dope. Back when crack was wack and Cocain was a White Man drug. Back when AIDS was Grid and you warned to stay away from the gays @ Club Studio 54 cause they all had it.

Somebody take me back to the time when life was 

"Outstanding"

http://youtu.be/i_aQ04iTaeQ

Friday June 16, 2006

These were my thoughts then (may how times have changed)

Me in 2006 

I am a 37 yr old "Mad Woman"! I have a 16 son who thinks he's the father in our relationship. In have lived in Hapeville, GA for the past 2 yrs 10 mo 17 days 12 hrs and counting. As you see I really luv it here ;} I work with Teenage Mother and their children in a Group Home setting. I think I'm in a relationship, the jury is still out on that. I am a Mormon when I'm doing the right thing. I am originally from Chicago, IL and have lived in Baton Rouge, LA. I have recently returned to school (@ home & online) for Child Management & Private Investigation. I am working on opening a Independent Living Program (ILP) for Teenage Males and inspire to one be a PI and travel the globe. 

If you have followed me from other sites you may see something I posted there and then again I just may never repost anything an you'll have to travel the web to keep up. :}

The reason behind this blog is like every other blog you see. I plan to inform, update, express my view point, entertain, educate, vent, inspire, take polls/survey & keep in touch. You don't have to like or agree with all that I write. I do ask that you respect me and my subscribers. Keep the name calling, finger pointing, cat fights and racial comments to your own blog. Remember we're here for our on personal reasons. You may not like, understand or care for that moment but trust your turn will come.

Much Luv The Queen

Wow how some things have changed drastically and some things have remand the exact same; let explore

Me 2011

I am now 43 and still a "Mad Woman" My son is now 21 and married to a lesbian(Learn about it in a later post) He still thinks he is running my life LOL I now live in Smyrna, GA (He is home in Chicago, IL) I have now been stuck in GA for 8 yrs 3 months 22 days 16 hrs and still counting.  No nothing has changed I still don't like it.  I am working as a Nanny at the present time.  I have been single since 2007.  I am still a Mormon when I been good.  I re returned to school last January now working on my BA in Criminal Justice Looking at the field of Juvenile Probation's or Parole Officer.  

This is now the only place I blog but I now vent on FB from time to time. Facebook Who would have thought it would come along and take over like it has.

My reasons behind this blog has not and will not change.  I ask that you keep my above statement in mind when viewing my blog.  

Peace Love and doing ME!! 

A Mad Mad Woman

Who am I; AN AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMAN!

What makes me weak? My fears.

What makes me whole? My God.

What keeps me standing? My faith.

What makes me compassionate? My selflessness.

What makes me honest? My integrity.

What sustains my mind? My quest for knowledge.

What teaches me all lessons? My mistakes.

What lift's my head high? My pride, not arrogance.

What if I can't go on? Not an option.

What makes me victorious? My courage to climb.

What makes me competent? My confidence.

What makes me sensual? My insatiable essence.

What makes me beautiful? My everything.

What makes me a woman? My heart.

Who says I need love? I do.

What empowers me? My God & Me.

Who am I? I AM AN AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMAN!

I Think This Applies To You

A good woman is proud of herself. She respects herself and others. She is aware of who she is. She neither seeks definition from the person she is with, or does she expect them to read her mind. She is quite capable of articulating her needs. A good woman is hopeful. She is strong enough to make all her dreams come true. She knows love, therefore she gives love. She recognizes that her love has great value and must be reciprocated. If her love is taken for granted, it soon disappears. A good woman has a dash of inspiration, a dabble of endurance. She knows that she will, at times, have to inspire others to reach the potential God gave them. A good woman knows her past, understands her present and moves toward the future. A good woman knows God. She knows that with God the world is her playground, but without God she will just be played. A good woman does not live in fear of the future because of her past. Instead, she understands that her life experiences are merely lessons, meant to bring her closer to self knowledge and unconditional self love. Girl Smile.....YOU KNOW YOU HAVE IT GOING ON! .....So Keep ON Keeping On.

How This Loveless Person was Created

I stood before you heart in my hand 

Soul mind and body willing to give 

You all that is me without reservation

Hoping you would be able to love me

Accept me as the flawed woman I am

Knowing that you could reject me totally

Wanting needing loving you as you were

Yet you stood there staring at me as if

I was trying to give you a disease or something

As I heard the words of rejection you uttered

My heart broke into a million small pieces

I felt my soul being ripped apart with sharp claws

My mind began to process the situation and

It was forced to shut down the pain was horrible

Then my body began to writhe in pain all over

Yet you saw none of this felt nothing as you

Destroyed the love of a good woman in just

4 words spoken without even a second thought

I don't love you then you said you OK but not

Enough woman for me to be with sorry but

You are not pretty enough or sexy enough

I should be glad that you even looked my way

That you did me a favor just spending time

As I\pick up my heart and soul from the ground

Scraped the pieces into my purse the tears of

Pain I must hold back until I am alone then

And only then can let them flow freely as

I try to glue myself back together again

Once I get them in place I use the pain of rejection

To glue them together forming a wall of coldness

That I will use to protect myself from love ever

Again seeping into any part of my mind and heart

As the last tears start to dry up so does my soul

Gone forever is the loving passionate caring woman

Now I am transformed into a cold hearted B***CH

Hell bent on revenge ruthless in my quest to bring pain

Using every available tool at my disposal from

My mind to even my body to cause as much suffering

As I can possibly bring upon another human being

Yet even this does ease my pain behind the walls of

Hate I am projecting I am still hurting and alone

Still feeling the pain the agony of being unloved

Yes I have turned into the very thing that caused

My pain a person incapable loving another

Cougar That's Me or am I a Grown Ass Woman

Cougar That's Me

  Being a cougar is a positive thing.

I am 43 years young full of life and zeal.  I have been single for the past 4 years and I think I like it. Being single is the total opposite of you labeling or not labeling the relationship you are in. If you are emotionally involved with someone in a way that consumes your time and thought life, or if you're giving away your heart or your body to another person in an intimate way, then you aren't really single. What’s more, you’re not being single in the way Scripture envisions this time of your life, a time that allows you to “concern yourself with the Lord’s affairs and how you can please him.” (1 Cor. 7:32) Instead of using your singleness to the Lord, you’re actually finding short-cut ways to avoid it.

Don't get me twisted because I quoted a scripture.  I have my flaws just like everyone else does; we all have sins and vises. One of mine has recently become younger men or as I like to call them "Baby Boi's". I think the term as been coined "Cougar".  I looked up the word cougar and according to the definition I found.  Cougar it depends on the region you are you are in this mammal is of the "Felidae" family.  The cougar has several 

names Puma, Mountain Lion, Mountain Cat, 

Catamount or Panther.  Now if I am correct I am a human: with a highly develop brain and the capability to problem solve, speak a language, abstract reasoning and introspection. So why am I being labeled as a "COUGAR?"

According the Urban definition a "COUGAR" is A 35+ year old woman who is on the hunt for a much younger, energetic, and willing - to - do anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar in San Francisco (or other cities)waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path. "Man is cougar's number one prey".  To me that is a little hardcore. In my refined Shannae-Nae voice “I’m a Lady” I like this definition better.   

Hot and sexy older woman, usually in her 40s or 50s, single, who is sick of her same-age counterparts which are usually hairless, have big guts, who only talk about their insurance premiums and have the TV remote control attached to their hands. Cougars are attractive, in their sexual prime, who know what they want and aren't afraid to go after it. BIG misconception is that they dress cheap, wear hot pink nail polish, animal skin prints and are not-so-attractive old-looking hags with bleached hair (Yeah those women exist, but they are NOT cougars). True cougars are classy, beautiful creatures that have made their successes on their own, have real brains, usually with expensive cars/homes, and are real head turners. Cougars seek younger men, and don't have to sneak up and attack...they know their younger mates are eager to get an experienced woman who won't ask if they'll call them the next day.

Now that we have a definition of a “Human Female Cougar” I would like to change the name to “Grown Ass Woman” Because that’s what I am a “Grown Ass Woman” That knows what, how and who she wants.                     

If you live where I live You wouldn't through ROCKS!!

This past weekend a FB group I belong to hosted a Christmas party.  This event was held in the home of one of the members.  The group is closed to the public; in order to be a member you have to be invited and the invitee has to be an active member.  Not a side line looky loo member.  Though the party was open to all it appeared that out of the 30 attendees maybe 5 were non-group members.  We all were anticipating the party for more then 2 weeks.  The most active group members are some what new and were VERY excited to get it in with the new crowd.  There had been 2.5 weeks of talk about a pole that would be available for the members to play on.  Never was there talk about real money given to the part takers of the pole or sexual favors.  


The night of the party the pole was up in the middle of the living room and we all walked in the house laughing.  As the night progressed the drinks started to kick and few guest played on the pole.  keep in mind we are all grown here. Thanks to Kevin Heart my saying is "Say it with your Chest PINEAPPLES" if you can't handle it and walk away/dismiss yourself from whatever is going on.  This has also been adapted into the group.  


Well days after the party I get a call from someone who is a member but due to work schedule, family life and life in general she has not been able to attend events or really part take in the discussions/post/threads. We chatted for a minute then as we were ending our conversation she brought up the party.  I being me started bragging on how much fun it was and that I was so drunk that I had to stay the night. I told her a little of this and that but not going too much into what all that happen.  She said "OH I see what she was talking about"  My comment was "HUH, what happen; what are you talking about?" She starts to tell me how she had gotten a call from a non group member about the party. This caller gave her pretty accurate accounts of the party.  The caller went on to tell her how the person that told her the story didn't like me and how she was going to leave the group because of the actions at the party.  And how she simply couldn't believe these people carried on the way they did given the nature of who they were suppose to be.  I defended the party goers and myself (As if I owe anyone anything) and gave the facts of the party.  


The problem here is that the young lady throwing pebbles has no clue as to what happen at this party and should not have called with the gossip.  The young lady throwing the rocks was wrong from start to finish.  It was discovered she didn't want to come from the start. (She should have stayed that ass at home) Second she painted a horrible picture and if someone was looking in to join her words killed that.  Third she meet me twice in her life time totaling 30 mins how could she possibly have anything worth while to say about me. This is me throwing a brick miserable people seek misery and others to be miserable with.  Our little group is fun and exciting; we all gravy baby.  Don't hate because we enjoy the company of one another and you can't figure out how to fit in. 


From what I hear she is living in a glass house that has a few cracks in it. Buyer be ware